Single Mom Story Share: Meet Rebecca

Mamas: Meet our very first single mom to share her story on Single Mom Spot. Rebecca. It is my hope that her story brings you strength and encouragement in your single mom journey.

Every single mom story is unique and every single mom story is worth sharing. The single moms that choose to share their stories are doing so to show you that in your single mom journey you are not alone!

Use your story to encourage others. Share it with us today.

My Single Mom Journey

by Rebecca

“My name is Rebecca, but you may call me Becka. I am a single mom of 1 son. I am a special education teacher and have been one going on about 6 years give or take. Right now is a critical time in my life because the choices I am making now will affect me long-term, moving forward. I am working on a project to increase my finances. I am working on building up to a relationship at the moment. I currently deal with OCD as well as characteristics of ADHD (inattention). So, life can definitely be a struggle at times managing everything on my own and being a single mom.

Challenges

There are many challenges that I face being a single mom, but the biggest challenges for me include: dating, finances and time.

When it comes to dating it is always a challenge because I always wonder how long I should date someone before introducing them to my son. There are so many things to take into consideration. Does this guy display characteristics of a good boyfriend, potential father, or husband? Does his morals and values align with mine? Is he financially independent and could he contribute if we were to become a team? Does he like children? Does he have children? If so, how many? What is his relationship like in regard to co-parenting? I look at his habits and how they affect him because all of that plays a part in whether or not he will meet my son, and/or stay a part of our lives. I keep in mind that although I am the one dating, he still will eventually have to be a part of my son’s life and based on all of the questions I have above, I have to consider whether or not that is in my son’s best interest. I want him to have a man in his life that is well rounded to set the standard for him. I can tell him about how to be a man, but I can’t physically show him. So it is important that the person I am dating is able to do that in a way that aligns with the values that I seek in a potential mate.

In regard to finances, I am able to take care of my son’s immediate needs financially, but I have a tendency to beat myself up about what I haven’t accomplished yet. I want my son to see me as a strong woman who is determined, innovative, loving and considerate of his needs. One thing in particular I would like to do is get a house. We have had several apartments and in the last one, he had his own room. We both liked that because it gave him a line of independence. The living room was our common space and our rooms were our personal space. So when it was time for his independent time, he could go into his room, play his PS4, play with his toys, build Legos, etc. I liked giving him a sense of having his own. I moved back with my mom because I was tired of renting and I would like to own. At times, that makes me feel like a failure, in a sense, because I still haven’t given him a home with a backyard he can run around in and play. I don’t ever want him to look at living with granny as the norm for us. I want him to keep in mind that this is temporary until I meet my financial goals in order for me to obtain and maintain a house. I also want to set the standard financially so he will never settle for less. It is more to life than just having a job. I want him to know that you work hard for what you want, never settle for just any salary and to have an idea in mind of what salary he needs to have in order for him to live comfortably as an adult. I feel like once I accomplish this goal, I can instill this in him.

The last challenge is time. I always have something to do, especially during the school year. When I am very busy, my patience gets a little shorter. However, I always have to reflect and ask myself if I am giving him enough time. Between dating, work, family and working on accomplishing financial goals, time gets tight. If I feel like I haven’t been giving him enough time, I put forth the effort to make time. We will watch a movie, or find a good series to watch together each week. I’ll take him and his friend to the park or play place. Even a simple trip to the store together will suffice, as long as I am giving him my time. Time is so precious these days. It seems like he grows every week. I want to make sure I am fully involved with every step of his growth process so we can have those memories together.

Overcoming Challenges and Encouragement

Being a single mom, the best and most efficient way for me to overcome the challenges I face as a single is by planning. Anything planned for results in being prepared for. When dating, I constantly plan to reflect on interactions, observations, time management and habits in order to see if things can go any further and potentially introduce the guy that I am dating to my son. If he makes it that far, I then plan observing interactions with my son, his children (if applicable) and how my son responds. With finances, I have to plan a budget. Even when I reach my financial goals, budgeting is still a necessity because I never want to overspend because I have more, and I want to always make sure that both my son’s and my needs are met. Also, at that point, I can have more categories of organization with my budgeting, which will help alleviate stress for me. For example: right now, I just have bills, savings and tithes. Once I reach my financial goals, I can have bills, tithes and different types of savings like savings for vacations, miscellaneous items, gas, college fund, investments, etc.

As far as time goes, I feel much better when everything is planned. Then I can prepare for whatever I am giving my time to. I like having a schedule because it gives me structure and reduces anxiety for me. I am not really a spontaneous person when it comes to giving time to people because even though I don’t mind giving my time, I still need time for myself in order to reflect and process things. Being around people (outside of my immediate family and closest of friends) too much, causes me anxiety.

What I Hope to Share

By sharing my single mom story, I hope to provide support, encouragement and reassurance that everything will be alright regardless of what your story is now.

Remember, we all have a story and it doesn’t end until we get tired of writing it.”