Heart Talk: Your Journey Through Single Motherhood has Purpose
If you’re struggling to find the purpose in circumstances that are not what you planned, you certainly aren’t alone.
During my first pregnancy I had a really hard time finding anything good that could come from single motherhood. It has taken time and reflection and going through a lot of long, hard days to learn that counting my blessings in the midst of this circumstance does help change it. I never would have guessed it at the time, but looking back and from where I stand today, many years into my single mom journey, I realize that becoming a single mom was the best thing that has ever happened to me. You’re probably thinking I’m totally crazy, but keep reading, I promise I’m not.
For any woman that is struggling to find the good along this tough road, this post is for you.
It Can Be Hard To See Beyond the Things You’ve ‘Lost’
I don’t know where you were at when you first realized that you were about to become a single mom. Maybe it was after a break-up or the day that you realized you really were going to get a divorce. Maybe, in your case, there is ‘no relationship’ for you to go back to but you’ve got a baby on the way.
For myself, I remember the exact body numbing moment when I realized that I was going to be a single mom. I had just broken up with a long-time boyfriend for good, for the very last time and was standing in the bathroom of a local grocery store holding a pregnancy test. And then, two little pink lines appeared in the small plastic window that feels like it holds your fate, and in a nano second, CHANGED EVERYTHING. Whether I was ready or not, I was having a baby.
The circumstances in front of me after I found out I was pregnant were the opposite of anything I had ever hoped or planned for as a single woman in her 20’s:
- My career was amazing, glamorous (or so I thought) and moving at light pace.
- I just bought my dream car, a cute little two-seater Mercedes.
- I had FINALLY made a decision to end a relationship that I did not see a future in.
- My entire life was before me, and the future was looking BRIGHT.
- I was ready to date, find my husband and live the life I’d always dreamed of.
So, when I found out I was pregnant, despair quickly settled in. I couldn’t begin to imagine that there was anything at all to be gained from where I stood in that moment. From having to sell my brand new and totally impractical car and beginning to worry about providing for a baby alone, to wondering if any good guy would ever date a single mom and if my love life was over for good, I was beginning to panic.
All I could see were the things that I was losing.
Single Motherhood Is Intentional
I don’t know where you are at in your single mom journey or how you got here. Maybe you just got divorced. Maybe you ‘planned a baby’ with a fiancé and he bailed. Maybe you discovered that the man that you had children with is not who you thought he is. Whatever your reason, you are not a single mom by accident.
Find Your Reason
If you haven’t thought about WHY you are a single mom, consider it. You might realize that there are a lot of VERY GOOD reasons why you’re on this journey in the first place.
When you are stressed, scared, anxious or fearful of the future (as so many of the single moms that I know are) it is SO SO EASY to forget how you got here.
When you are struggling to make ends meet, or with feeling alone, you can quickly enter an downward spiral and find yourself in a place mentally that seems really hard to escape.
When you can name your reason for begin a single mom aloud, this will help remind you that your journey through single motherhood—no matter how difficult it feels in this moment—has great purpose.
If You Need a Reminder, Write it Down
If remembering why you became a single mom, the choices, decisions and needs that led you here helps you, write it down. Don’t allow yourself to forget that however you ended up here, there are VERY GOOD REASONS and GREAT THINGS are still to come.
Single Motherhood is Not a ‘Life Sentence’
I think, its a chance to become the women we are made to be. I have VERY GOOD reasons for being a single mom. In fact, I KNOW I wouldn’t be the mother and woman that I am today if things had worked out differently.
- In many ways I can protect my children better.
- I can create a safe, loving home and plan for my children’s future.
- I can offer GREATER stability, not less.
- If I choose to marry someday, I can marry someone that loves me and my children and do not have to settle for less than God’s best.
- I am free to provide the kind of life I know my children deserve.
- I can teach my children that just because they don’t ‘plan’ something, doesn’t mean it isn’t a part of the plan.
- I can give my children a mom that loves them more than anything in the world.
- I am free to become the woman I am supposed to be.
- I can show my children that caring for them and providing for them is my priority; it is what every hour of every day truly centers around.
- I’m triumphant; we’ve been through so much but I still find hope because God loves me and my kids and I KNOW our life circumstance has purpose.
Single Motherhood Has Changed Me from the Inside Out
I had NO IDEA that when my baby was born I would fall completely, madly in love with her. I didn’t know that the things I thought I was ‘giving up’ or ‘losing’ because of unplanned pregnancy would never matter to me in the end.
It can be so easy to get lost in negative thinking or to feel like every aspect of your life is working against you. But what if it’s not?
Challenge Your Heart & Your Thinking
I challenge you from the bottom of my heart to discover the beauty in your life as a single mom. I promise you, it is there. I know nothing is perfect. I know things didn’t go the way you planned. But what if single motherhood can give you the chance to do GREATER THINGS FOR YOUR CHILDREN than you ever imagined.
A Note on What I’m Not Saying:
- I’m not saying you don’t need or deserve an amazing boyfriend/husband. If that desire is strongly in your heart, you do.
- I’m not saying that your children’s father isn’t vitally important. But, only you know if your children’s father is capable of providing the safety, stability, love and protection that your children deserve. Only you know this.
- I’m not saying that all single moms are better parents or the ‘best parent’ for their children to be with. This is simply not true. Every single parent situation or circumstance is completely different.
Your Journey through Single Motherhood Has Purpose
Only you know the truth of your circumstance and why you chose this road. To answer these questions you have to remember how you got here in the first place.
So think instead of making a list of all the things that are hard or unfair or difficult (as we so often do in our minds) try making a different kind of list. Try asking yourself different questions.
What are your GOOD reasons for being a single mom?
Are you able to do some great things for your kids that you otherwise couldn’t have done if you stayed with the wrong husband/boyfriend?
What new life opportunity does single motherhood give you?
Single motherhood is often perceived as a ‘dead end’ circumstance for a woman. So, its not too surprising that when we find ourselves facing it we are scared, alone and uncertain of the future. I believe with all of my heart and hope that you find this too, that single motherhood is a new beginning for you and your kids.
When you decided to go through with an unplanned pregnancy, separate from your husband/boyfriend or when you and your children were left by a man that couldn’t or wouldn’t care for you, you chose single motherhood.
My Hope For Our Single Moms
Give yourself some grace as you go through today.
Count your blessings. Count your reasons for being a single mom. Find the good ones and hold them out in front of you. Don’t loose sight of them in the middle of your chaos.
Remember the strength that you discovered when you became a single mom. All the things you didn’t know that you could actually do, you are doing.
Your journey through single motherhood is the greatest opportunity you will ever have, for yourself and for your children. It’s not a comfortable path but if you let it, single motherhood will refine your character, strengthen your heart and clarify your life purpose. Your best life is right in front of you.
New to Single Mom Spot? Join us!
Single Mom Spot is an online community for offline change. I started Single Mom Spot in the middle of covid when, as a single mama myself, I realized that other women in my circumstance must really be struggling. I really felt compelled to begin a site that would offer a connection point so that women could share their experiences.
As the site has come to life, we’ve been on a mission to create curated content that is exclusively for single moms. We hope that you find inspiration and encouragement to live their best life as a woman and mother, right now. We know that your circumstances might be less than ideal. We know that you likely didn’t plan to be a single mom. BUT, we firmly believe that single motherhood is not accidental. Your journey has purpose and we are here to support you.
Single Mom Spot offers:
- A growing base of FREE legal resources, financial resources and mental health resources
- A monthly journal, In Full Bloom Mag, created especially for single moms
- Create your profile on the home page and access our forum
- Free giveaways
- Free live events and chats
- Support for moms that want to create financial and personal freedom
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Does this financial mistake sound familiar? Christmas is approaching, and you want to give your kiddos the best darn Christmas you can. So you head to the mall. You swipe your credit card 27 different